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The Hell That Is Linux (Installation)
or ‘How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love (well, at least not hate) XP’

12 June 2006

by Carl Bateman

I hate M$, really hate it, hate it with a passion. I would dearly love to use Linux for many reasons, because it’s Open Source, to play with all those lovely toys I’ve read so much about (programming tools, OpenGL, etc.), just to try it out to see what all the fuss is about, to bask in the Nirvana that is Linux, because it’s not M$.

From time to time I try to install Linux. Over the last three or four years I’ve made about ten attempts on two different desktop systems and a laptop. Invariably, it trashes my system. In the past, I’ve been able to undo the damage in a day or two. However, in my latest attempt, Linux seems to have permanently trashed my hard drive. No personal data was lost but I face the prospect of buying a new drive and re-installing and configuring a hell of a lot of software. Thank you, Linux, I’m a geek with no real life, I didn’t really want to do any real work. Cleaning up your mess is my true purpose in life.

I like to think that I’m fairly intelligent. I have a good degree in Computer Science with Electronics. I’ve worked with computers of one sort or another for over 20 years, I’ve been a programmer/analyst for eight years, I worked in IT support for four years. But try as I might I cannot install Linux.

Each time I try to install Linux I feel as though I’m being punished. I feel as though Linux hates me. I wonder whether there is some conspiracy that Linux doesn’t really exist, that it’s just some huge hoax perpetrated for some dark purpose. Or perhaps it’s some kind or uber-virus designed only to trash computers and punish those stupid enough to believe its lies and try to use it.

Installing Linux is unspeakably unpleasant and, for me at least, NEVER works. If (or more accurately when) the installation goes west - and it can be pretty spectacular - you’re left all on your little lonesome. If you’re lucky, you may get a series of cryptic error messages and warnings. There is no undo button, no restore function. Tough. Even pleas on various internet forums don’t help despite much well-intentioned, but ultimately useless, advice. The Linux ‘faithful’ are generally oblivious to criticism and any cries for help are filtered out, ignored or twisted to the point of meaninglessness. Being told how easy installation is, and how millions have had no problems installing a myriad distros on everything from a popup toaster to a Cray does nothing to solve my problems nor improve my disposition.

"You should’ve made backups" they bleat.

Sadly, I’ve discovered from bitter experience that all the backups in the world don’t help if the operating system can’t load.

Other brain mangling suggestions include using a second machine, buying a new graphics card and buying a second hard drive, thereby increasing the levels of cost, inconvenience and required technical skill.

Many Linux proponents seriously over-egg its benefits, ease of installation and ease of use. They seem blind to its faults and have nothing but contempt for those too stupid to be able to install and use it; especially for those who (wisely), don’t even try.

Ubuntu is the self-styled “Linux for human beings”. True, Sys Admins are human. Well, I’m a human myself and I have to say that I find this claim to be invidious and misleading. It implies friendliness and support but, instead, I got a crippled machine. The installation instructions on the Ubuntu site are none-too-easy to find (they’re hidden behind five pages of links), are not particularly clear and are completely useless when things go wrong. You have go elsewhere to get practical, detailed explanations of what’s going on, and even then they still aren’t much use when things go wrong.

Ubuntu installation instructions are available on their web-site, so why not during the installation process? Too boring perhaps? Linux really has to try harder for those of us poor souls who encounter problems.

Luckily for me this time, a not-so-quick Google eventually turned up Partition Logic, a third party tool which corrected my corrupted partitions in all of a minute, while the indifferent Ubuntu just stood there drooling like an idiot.

It shouldn’t be like this... If the installation is going to screw up my computer, I shouldn’t have to go elsewhere to fix it. The developers should at least have the common decency to include the tools to clean up the mess they’ve made. Partition Logic clearly demonstrates that it’s possible to have such tools, and be easy to use, and have a nice GUI and be less than 1Mb.

Linux may well be the best thing since sliced bread; maybe it really does cure baldness, increase penis growth and bring about World peace... I have no way of knowing. The lasting impressions I have of Linux, are of indifference, amateurishness, incompetence and negligence. I can’t help but pity those poor deluded fools labouring away in la-la land, too blind to see what a pathetic joke Linux truly is, a stinking moth-eaten donkey, slumped moribund in the starting gate.

Sorry… this harsh invective is prompted by yet more money and days of my life squandered for no good reason. Watching your new system being turned into a £600 paperweight does not inspire confidence. Blind fury, yes, confidence, no.

Perhaps, one day, after I have successfully installed Linux, I will be blissfully happy, safe in the knowledge that I’m no longer contributing to Bill Gates’ obscene wealth, enjoying all the benefits that Linux brings.

Yes, perhaps, one day, but not today. Certainly not today.

P.S. I did manage to get Ubuntu working on my laptop after a day or so, but it can’t connect to the internet... so, pretty useless really. Windows XP installed in about hour and connected to the net first item. Bottom line I can rely on Win XP, I can’t rely on Linux. Oh, the irony…